Time should be used on things way more important than brooding over the past. However, I don’t know if it’s a perverse bout of self infliction of memories that should have been better forgotten or maybe because i’m in a situation as helpless as i am now.
I can’t believe I still have a whole darn box of it. The many many tiny things, letters and notes that I had collected over time. Over the time that once was sweeter even more so than nectar. Of course this “nectar” had turned out to be no more than the bitter poison of my heart. However still, I took it out. And read through every single word, remembered the cause for the particular item or word written. Strange enough, instead of being so heart wrenched, I actually felt a sense of comfort. I even gave a smile once reading a particular article. Where thereafter I was taken aback by my delusional antics…
Maybe then, it’s not so much about the past but rather the happenings in present days. I guess I yearn once more for that feeling. But of course minus the hurt. My setbacks in recent days have probed me to seek comfort in at least something, so I don’t know if this is what I sought for.
My mind tells me though, how illogical and stupid I am in this condition. I guess everything should be taken with a pinch of salt and well, conviction and patience is the key. I will wait, I will persist.
